To diet or not to diet ... that is the question. I know, I know, if you call it "healthy lifestyle change" it's not a diet, it's a way of life. I've been there and done that.
I heard someone say recently, "Shouldn't dieting be called, 'liveting?'" I mean it's lifestyle change, right? We know the rules, don't we? Rules such as: chew your food slowly, don't limit anything, just eat in moderation and don't clean your plate. That's right, you heard me, Mom. "Don't clean your plate."
Another good liveting tip is: The closer our food is to its natural state, the healthier it is for us - beef instead of cheeseburgers, baked potatoes instead of french fries, milk instead of milkshakes. Although this made sense to me, I had to explain it to my sons. I had to explain that eating cheeseburgers, french fries and milkshakes that were made in their home state of West Virginia didn't mean they were eating those things in their natural state.
I heard someone on television say they could not understand why they had not lost weight. They said, "I've tried everything except gastric bypass and diet and exercise." Go figure. No pun intended.
Just think of the pressure on poor Jenny Craig and others, the NutriSystem and Weight Watchers are all established names in the diet business, but Jenny Craig took a risk. She put her name on her program. Now she has to put all her weight behind her program and none on her hips.
If you're trying to lose a few pounds, you're not alone. Everyone has advice how to do it because everyone has tried, is trying or will try to do it. Come to think of it, I wouldn't vote for a politician who wasn't concerned about dieting. Not being concerned about dieting is un-American.
Unfortunately, dieting doesn't work for everyone, which is why some people have fat removed surgically. The good news is liposuction works. Although the bad news is that fat comes back, there's worse news. The money spent on removing fat doesn't come back.
Here are a few humorous tips to help you jump start your livet, I mean diet:
"Never eat more than you can lift." - Miss Piggy
"If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?" - Unknown
"I am not overweight. I am chocolate-enriched." - Unknown
"If your dog is fat, you're not getting enough exercise." - Unknown
"The first thing you lose on a diet is your sense of humor." - Unknown
"Chocolate ... It isn't just for breakfast anymore." - Unknown
"A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat." - Erma Bombeck
"Life is full of ups and pounds." - Unknown
"Diets are for people who are thick and tired of it." - Unknown
"The toughest part of a diet isn't watching what you eat. It's watching what other people eat." - Unknown
"I'm not overweight. I'm just 0 inches too short." - Shelley Winters
"I keep trying to lose weight - but it keeps finding me!" - Unknown
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook." - Julia Child
"The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books - how not to eat what you've just learned how to cook." - Andy Rooney
"Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. Coincidence? I think not!" - Unknown
"The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends." - Unknown
"A diet is the penalty we pay for exceeding the feed limit." - Unknown
"In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet." - Erma Bombeck
"Dieting is wishful shrinking." - Unknown
(Kimberly Short Wolfe, MA, is a home school mom and the grief counselor and chaplain for Mountain Hospice. Contact: firstname.lastname@example.org or call: 304-823-3925, ext. 136)