Ever caught yourself screaming a question at the TV during one of President Barack Obama's press conferences? I have.
The president never responds, of course, but the screaming helps relieve frustration over how the White House press corps (pronounced "core") does its job.
We shouldn't have to be content with screaming at the TV, though, so let's break some new ground today. Let's pose questions right here ... and then use our imaginations to come up with answers from the president.
Ready? Then please take your seats.
First question: Mister President, is there any way you and the first lady could cut back a little on your lifestyles? You know, shared sacrifice and all that. Maybe you could throw fewer parties at taxpayer expense ... or you and the first lady could take vacations together. Or maybe the girls could have gone to Camp David over the spring break. Are those doable, Mister President?
Obama: Look, uh, I won the election, and elections have consequences. One is that the first family will uh, will enjoy the good life. You don't like it? Tough. Next question.
Mister President, some people want to know why you recently gave Egyptian President Morsi $250 million dollars of taxpayer money.
Obama: Uh, as you know, President Morsi is affiliated with an important player in the region, uh, the Muslim Brotherhood. So we gave him the money to help him, uh, secure his hold on power and, uh, stabilize the region. Next question.
Mister President, Mister President, are you aware that Morsi's government is starting to behave a lot like President Mubarak's government?
Obama: Uh, uh, I must have missed that security briefing. But I've already talked about Egypt. Next question.
Mister President, Morsi is allowing the persecution and murders of innocent Coptic Christians in Egypt. Are you concerned?
Obama: Look, people. I've already talked about Egypt. Let's move along. I'm teeing off in 45 minutes. Next question. You, yes, you with the green hair.
Mister President, about sequestration, why did you deny that it was a White House idea?
Obama: Uh, because it wasn't.
Green Hair: But sir, even your own press secretary admits that it was.
Obama: We're currently reviewing Jay's role in the administration. Let me get back to you on that. Next question.
Mister President, Mister President, I'm sure you're aware that North Korea and Iran have threatened us and our allies, and the American people seem to be waiting for a definitive response from you as their commander-in-chief.
Obama: Well, uh, the American people are just going to have to wait some more. Uh, I'm not going to be rushed into anything. And don't forget, uh, I'm leading from behind, which no other president has ever done. And it's a lot harder than it looks. Next question. Uh, Chris Matthews. That you? What's on your mind?
Thank you, Mister President. Mister President, we've got a pool going over at MSNBC, and we'd like to know who you think is the foxiest White House correspondent in the room?
Obama: Uh uh uh Next question.
Mister President, you predicted that sequestration would result in severe hardships on the American people. But things seem to be fine for most people. Do you regret your comments?
Obama: Uh, listen, you wanna see hardship? You wanna see hardship?
Just wait. (Smile) And then there's the, uh, Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act. You guys call it Obamacare. It's just starting to kick in. Maybe you should have called it Obamascare.
Mister President, about the nation's deficit and all of the government waste, I was wondering if ...
Obama: Hold that thought, Hank. Gotta go. Tiger's a bear about tee times. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I'm outta here.
Thank you, Mister President.
Now then, Dear Readers, if you have a question for the president and would like to join in the fun, send it to The Inter-Mountain, 520 Railroad Ave., P.O. Box 1339, Elkins, WV 26241. If you also have an answer, send it as well.
We'll try to publish your question and answer in a future column. (If you don't have an answer, we'll take a stab at providing one for you).
We may not get to all of your questions, but we promise to do better than the president would have done. Oh, and don't worry about the Department of Homeland Security coming after you. You don't have to give your name.