An Elvis impersonator has sent poison in a letter to the president.
It is about time that Congress appoints a committee to study the relationship of Elvis impersonators to violence in America. Are they represented more in maximum security prisons than are the general population? Is there something in the Presleyterian theology that incites to aggressive behavior? Is this a group that attracts aberrant personalities? Are Elvis impersonators with 10 songs on their karaoke CDs inherently more dangerous if they have 30 songs?
What should I do to protect myself and my family if an Elvis impersonator moves next door? These are serious questions for serious problems here in America.
Parents should consider how their children should react if someone at a party puts on an Elvis song. Could it be that we are facing a new wave of Elvis-inspired hip-swinging radicals? Imagine the shame of someone picking your child out of a line-up of anti-government weirdos.
These are trying times, and it is about time we lobby our government to protect us from Elvis impersonators.