×

Husband looking at risque content online

Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for 22 years, and to my knowledge, he has always been committed to me and our family. However, recently he upgraded to a new phone, and I have found he is continually exploring porn and pictures of nude women. I know that all guys look at this from time to time, but now he carries around this mini computer and views it mostly at work. He has also gotten into Facebook. He didn’t previously care what people were doing, but now, all of a sudden, he feels the need to friend everyone he’s ever known. I’ve talked to him about his time on Facebook, and he just brushes it off as “something new.”

I have never felt so insecure in all our years together as I have recently, and I’m at a loss as to how to get past his media cheating on our relationship. Why are most men this way? Can’t we, the ones they vow to love to eternity, be enough? — Problems in Pennsylvania

Dear Problems: Quit snooping, and start talking with your husband about your concerns. I see nothing wrong with his adding old friends on Facebook, but compulsive viewing of porn can lead to addiction and damage real-world relationships. And if he’s doing this at work, he not only is putting his job at risk but also could face legal consequences if he gets caught.

To navigate these volatile, sensitive issues in a way that feels safe for you both, enlist the aid of a marriage counselor. Ask your husband to attend a few sessions, with the goal of reaching an understanding.

Dear Annie: I’ve seen people writing to you about being bothered by the phrase “no problem” as a response to “thank you.” Here is something else to mull over: Why is it that store associates, restaurant servers and others feel the need to say “you guys” to customers? For instance: “Can I get you guys some beverages while you look at the menu?” This is not just happening at fast-food places. It’s happening in many other businesses in the Northeast.

I am a senior woman, not a “guy.” The servers probably think nothing of it other than as a way to say, “Can I help you?”

But being called “you guys” surely puts the hairs up on the back of my neck. Is there a response that would be suitable? What’s wrong with saying, “Can I get anyone a beverage while you look at the menu”? Leave the “you guys” for your friends at the gym. — Not Fond of “You Guys” on Cape Cod

Dear Not Fond of “You Guys”: “You guys” is often regarded as the Northeastern counterpart to “y’all” — a catchall way to address a group, meant to connote warmth with its casualness. Obviously, it’s missing the mark with you, and I’m sure you’re not alone. I’m not sure what the answer is except to make people aware that some are offended by the term. To that end, I’m printing your letter.

— Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com. To find out more about Annie Lane and read features by other Creators Syndicate columnists and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

NEWSLETTER

Today's breaking news and more in your inbox

I'm interested in (please check all that apply)
Are you a paying subscriber to the newspaper? *

Starting at $3.92/week.

Subscribe Today