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America’s changing

Just so you know, I’m no longer a white, 64-year-old, male, conservative. I’ve broken the shackles that have kept me in bondage my entire life. I now identify as an 18-year-old, liberal, undocumented, Hispanic, transgender, female immigrant who’s looking for a better life. My needs are simple.

I need a SNAP card, medical card, free housing, free utilities, an undocumented driver’s license, and any additional perks that go along with my new identity. After all, this is the “new” America. I can be whatever or whomever I wish. I can be black, Hispanic, and Asian, homosexual, bi-sexual, male, female, and transsexual, transgender or even no gender at all.

I wasted 50 years paying taxes, obeying the law, treating people with respect and dignity, and what did it get me? Zero, zilch, nada. I was taxed to death, penalized, ridiculed, and now that I’m retired, I’ll be penalized again when Medicare steals $140 of my hard-earned money after I sign up.

I’ve seen the light. I feel like a new person. Well, actually, I am, and so far I like it, and if I don’t, I can always go back to being a crotchety, old, white, male, conservative living on a fixed income. After all, that’s my right.

Ooh, I need to go to DHHR and sign up for the free goodies they have to offer.

I would like to thank the wonderful taxpayers for the blessings you are about to bestow upon me. None of this would be possible without you. I would especially like to thank Ed Brenwalt and Lloyd Price for setting me straight. We’ll do lunch real soon.

I may even visit San Francisco, just to poop on the streets, live in a tent and steal whatever I need. Did you know they won’t arrest you for that out there? Cool!

Sorry, Trump, you’ll have to make it without me. I’m getting on the “real” gravy train. I want to get my fair share when Bernie starts redistributing your wealth. How about it guys, I’ll take cash, VISA or a SNAP card.

Satire? I wish it was. It’s actually happening in America right now, and you have liberal Democrats to thank for making it happen. On Tuesday, Nov. 20 you can make it all go away… vote Trump. It’s literally that easy.

Randy Brooks

Buckhannon

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