When one finger points out, three fingers are pointing back toward oneself. This statement means we need to look inward before we find fault with others. My observation is that people mature at different times, some earlier than others. I am in the slower-maturing group.

Once, I found myself bothered by a coworker. I was envious of her success. I noticed she often came to work late. I made the decision to document when she arrived at work each day. On the days I was late, I asked my assistant to document the person’s time of arrival. When I had enough documentation of the arrival times, and when I felt it was the right time, I shared my data with my supervisor and hers. My boss looked it over. He said, “You seem to notice the same characteristics in others that you have yourself.” Busted! This conversation, which happened decades ago, still sticks with me. It starts with my looking inward first. 

Healthy workplaces are a sum of healthy people. Recently, a facilitator asked a group, “What can be done to create a great workplace?” Communication, resources, fewer meetings, etc. were mentioned. The facilitator noticed all comments were pointing to others. The next assignment was, “What can you do personally to make this a great workplace?” It got them back to the three fingers pointing inward.

A few tips:

1. Surround yourself with people who care about you. This means people who are willing to hold those “spinach-in-your-teeth” conversations. When we care about someone, we will share observations that may not be comfortable. 

2. Ask for advice. Also, take time to ask if what you are saying makes sense. Get specific: “What does not make sense?”

3. Hold up the mirror. When you are noticing things that bug you, is it possible that you may share some of the same traits? Conduct a self-inventory. What is it that is impacting you? How is it impacting you? And what is your part? 

4. If you have an issue with a person, talk directly to them with your observation. Do not gossip; it destroys people, relationships, companies, and communities. 

5. Be open to what you are feeling. A person reached out to share that she had a presentation coming up and was extremely nervous. Knowing I do many presentations, she asked for advice. I said that early on in my career, I did what she is doing. I reached out to someone about my anxiety. The advice I received was, “God will make sure the people hear what they need to hear. Let go, and let God.” The person said thank you with tears in her eyes, and she went out and did a fantastic job. It is okay to share what you are feeling. However, do so with someone you trust. 

We are all on a journey. Being self-aware, having a trusted advisor or advisors, and being grateful makes our path a little easier. Healthy people build great places to work, which, in turn, build great communities to live in. By looking inward, we can change the world around us for the better.

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Quint Studer is the author of 16 books on leadership in the workplace and the community. His book Building a Vibrant Community is a valuable resource for civic leaders, business owners, and all citizens who have a stake in building a community they can be proud to call home. In Sundays with Quint, he shares a selection of his popular leadership columns for leaders, employees, and business owners in all industries. He can be reached at Quint@QuintStuder.com.