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Our first president recognized the importance of civility at an early age.
The colonies were still operating within the European hierarchy of social order, but young Washington knew the importance of showing respect for other people's feelings by the time he was 16 when he copied the 1640 English translation of a French Jesuit directive on 110 "Rules of Civility."
George Washington's Rules of Civility is a thin paperback book among my collection publications about etiquette. Respecting superiors is always required in the courts kings and dictators, but a true democracy is a social order based on respect for the rights of all people. Although respect for human rights is essential to American democracy, our modern American culture has abandoned rules of civility with the advent of the internet and reality TV. Unfortunately, our national rhetoric has lost both civility and the true spirit of democracy in favor of a rude cult of paternalistic politics.
Washington wrote: "Every Action done in Company ought to be done with Some Sign of Respect to those that are Present." Many of the rules of civility had to do with basic health habits such as not rinsing out one's mouth or touching private parts in the company of others. Good table manners included not coughing without covering one's mouth and not blowing on the soup but "letting it pool." It was important to wear clean and well-cared-for clothing when one went into a social or business meeting with others.
It was not polite to show annoyance when someone else was speaking. Coughing, tapping fingers on the table, or falling to sleep had to be avoided when someone else was talking. While he was telling about finger tapping, the future first president noted that one's fingernails should be clean. Gentlemen did not spit into the fire, cross their legs, or kill fleas and ticks in the sight of others.
George Washington was known for moral correctness and formal bearing. As a young man he learned to respect the rights of others, and that was the basic reason that he did not try to become a king or a dictator when the new nation called upon him to become its leader. However, as was the custom of his culture, Washington had enslaved people in his care, but he hoped the Congress would gradually end slavery. He respected the basic rights of others, and he wanted his own enslaved people to be freed after his death, but he and other paternalistic slave owners did not want real change. They believed they needed to take care of slaves instead of respecting their rights.
Discrimination against women and people of color is still alive today, and now we know we have to wait more than 250 years before a women can be elected leader of these United States.
Unfortunately, we have lost both civility and true democracy -- as well as respect for women in American culture..