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I have many teachers. Chester Elton and Adrian Gostick are two of them. They are best-selling authors, presenters, and coaches. Chester has presented in Pensacola, Florida, at the yearly EntreCon conference. Adrian and Chester appeared on a podcast with me. Adrian's recent article that appeared in Forbes grabbed my attention: "The 'Soft' Leadership Skill That Shows Up on the Balance Sheet." In it, Adrian outlines how skills considered soft have a large impact on the success of an organization.
I searched for the question "What are soft leadership skills?" This response appeared: They are personal and interpersonal abilities that help guide teams, build relationships, and inspire others toward a shared goal. Communication, empathy, compassion, conflict resolution, delegation, empowerment, and adaptability.
My experience is that when people hear the word "soft," they may see it as the opposite of "hard." They may downplay soft skills. Let us replace the word "soft" with "needed."
Research consistently shows that it takes at least three compliments for every criticism to create a positive feeling in the recipient. In talks and workshops, this topic often raises questions like "Do you mean I should compliment people for doing their job?" Yes. I often read that someone went "above and beyond." Sometimes that is true, but often it's that people do their jobs very well. And this is great. They deserve a thank-you and other recognition. Sports offers a good example: When a batter gets a hit, the crowd cheers. Isn't that what the player is paid to do? Yes, but cheering still feels good to the giver and the receiver.
Some people are uncomfortable receiving compliments, which can impact giving them. When I was 31, I was experiencing depression. My therapist noted that when she said positive things to me, I turned away and downplayed or rejected them. Her feedback was that a reason I felt so bad about myself was because I filtered out the positives. I have used this example with others for years.
A comment I have received from leaders over the years is that if they compliment people too much, they will get "the big head." I have been in hospitals for years and have never seen a patient being cared for due to receiving too many compliments. It is a rationalization by someone who is uncomfortable complimenting others or does not see the value.
Research by Gallup shows that rewarded and recognized behavior gets repeated. It seems that sharing compliments will show up as increased employee engagement, lower employee turnover, and positive customer service. To capture the hearts of customers, first capture the hearts of the workforce.
A few tips:
1. Change the words "soft skills" to "needed skills." This moves them up on the priority list.
2. Seek out the positive. It is so neat to see people react to a compliment. Their face lights up.
3. Put time on your weekly schedule to write thank-you notes.
4. Start out each meeting with recognition.
5. Do not think there is a limit on compliments. It is impossible to be too positive.
6. Regularly hold recognition celebrations.
Words matter. Let's stop calling these skills "soft." Use them often, and both people and results will be better for it.
Thank you very much for reading this.
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Quint Studer is the author of 16 books on leadership in the workplace and the community. His book Building a Vibrant Community is a valuable resource for civic leaders, business owners, and all citizens who have a stake in building a community they can be proud to call home. In Sundays with Quint, he shares a selection of his popular leadership columns for leaders, employees, and business owners in all industries. He can be reached at Quint@QuintStuder.com.