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For the past four years, your entire focus has been caregiving for your loved one with Alzheimer's disease. After losing that loved one, the caregiver struggles with finding their "new" purpose in life.
Below are some steps that may help with this part of the journey.
I think the first, and most important thing to do, is mourn the loss of your loved one. Spend time with others who are in mourning too.
Talk about the wonderful memories and great times you had together. Share photos and stories. There may be a picture that you have never seen or a photo that brings back the very best memories of your loved one.
Some common emotions you may feel are sadness, not only for what you have lost but also sadness for what could have been. Pain goes without saying, but another emotion you will feel is relief. Relief that your loved one does not have to suffer anymore, and some relief for yourself. This is a hard feeling to admit to, but it does come with the role of caregiving.
Your life plans stopped when your caregiver role began. I tell caregivers to take it easy on themselves as this feeling is human nature. Just as it is human to be angry that your loved one had to miss out on so many things due to the disease.
Grieving has so many different stages and each stage has different time frames... Don't think you need to stay in the house, not go on living for a while, until the "appropriate" amount of time has passed. Your spouse or parent would not want that for you.
If you are anything like me, nothing makes me happier than seeing my daughter and husband have a huge smile on their face or give a full belly laugh. It is the best feeling!
Taking life day by day can be a way to cope with this process. The days of remembrance -- including birthdays, anniversaries and Christmas -- may be difficult so plan for these, making sure you have something to do or someone to be with you.
We all react to emotional experiences differently based on who we are, our relationship with the person who died, and our previous experiences. How we feel, and how LONG we feel that for, will differ for everyone.
There are certainly no rules for how we should react after losing someone we are close to.
Next week I will share more tips on the journey after your loved one passes away.
As always, I send prayers for all who are currently going through this journey.
If you have Alzheimer's questions or things you would like to know more about, please write to The Inter-Mountain at 520 Railroad Ave., Elkins, WV 26241, or send email to bjohnson@theintermountain.com.