Do not assume. This thought hit me as I read feedback from attendees of a sales conference. The most often mentioned takeaway is to focus on building relationships. Reading them, I wondered how many of us make assumptions in this area.

Do the people we lead know a positive outcome begins by building a relationship?

It is not unusual for salespeople to be told to make so many contacts a day. Research likely says a certain percentage of these contacts will be converted to a sale. 

In hospitals, managers are told to engage with (round on) every patient in their area. In most hospitals, this is an impossible request. When making connections, it’s less about quantity and much more about quality of engagement.

Two experiences helped me learn that the ability to build relationships is job one. I was new in a community relations role.

I was proud to work for this organization. The goal was to get companies to utilize our services. I set up appointments for us. During these appointments, I shared the list of services we offered, testimonials, etc. I left brochures and my business card. 

After 90 days on the job, I was visited by John from Corporate. I expected him to compliment me after experiencing the first appointment we had.

Instead, John asked me questions. He asked me about the human resources director we had spent time with.

He asked me how many employees worked there, how they trained leaders, and whether they have used services similar to what we offer from other companies. He was kind. His point was to listen and build a relationship. 

The next experience was a TV show I watched that showed videos of people on dates. At the end of a few dates, the host would ask each person if they would go out with the other person again.

I noted that when someone spent more time trying to be interesting than being interested, the date did not go as well as they thought. The other person would answer that they had no interest in going out again.

Being interested is more impactful than being interesting.

A few tips:

Learn from others. My colleague Dan Collard is exceptional at building relationships.

I asked him to coach me. He shared that one of the questions he asks people early on is “Where is home for you?” Now when I ask this question, the information I receive is so helpful.

People talk about where they grew up and where they live now. It also leads to other questions about family, school, and so forth.

Increase self-awareness on how well you are listening. I have a terrible habit of getting so excited in conversations that I interrupt too much. Knowing this about myself, I try to pause and realize the person is not done speaking.

If you count to three before talking, it will make a considerable difference to the person being listened to.

Finally, do not assume those you lead know the key is building a relationship. Take time to discuss the importance of relationship building and teach the skills. 

Relationships don’t just happen because we talk to people. They happen because we slow down, listen to, learn from, and connect with them. 

Being interested beats being interesting every time.

*** 

Quint Studer is the author of 16 books on leadership in the workplace and the community. His book “Building a Vibrant Community” is a valuable resource for civic leaders, business owners, and all citizens who have a stake in building a community they can be proud to call home. He can be reached at Quint@QuintStuder.com.