In my writings and talks, I often quote Cousin Al. Today is no exception. For those who might be wondering… yes, there really is a Cousin Al! His father and my mother were brother and sister, so he is my first cousin. Al has the ability to say things in a way that is memorable and helpful.  

 Much of what I talk and write about focuses on lessons learned from experience. This includes experiences gained from reading and listening as well as those gained from living life. In some of my presentations, I go over a list of suggestions that I have found helpful in creating a positive work culture. I feel these also fit life outside of our jobs. I would like to offer a few of these below. You may have seen a few of these before, but I ‘ve included a new one based on Cousin Al’s influence:

1. If it’s none of your business, it’s none of your business. Gossip is a culture killer. Much of it emanates from people feeling the need to get into other people’s business. You may have heard the statement “It is none of my business, but…” (followed by the speaker’s getting into someone’s business). If asked for our opinion, of course it makes sense to get involved. The key is “if asked” and/or whether we feel we can be helpful. 

I shared this Cousin Al statement with someone. She sent me a note on how much this helped her. She told me that over the weekend she realized how often items come up that could have led to getting into drama, and she did not take the bait. As Cousin Al says, “If it’s none of your business, it’s none of your business.”

2. Don’t accept generalities. How often do we hear words like “a lot” or “everyone” when people are trying to build a case? I spoke at the Communities of Excellence conference. Many elected officials from all over the country were in attendance. I asked how many of them hear citizens saying, “Everyone is saying…” When we hear generalities, it is best to dig into how many people are actually saying something. The same goes for “a lot”–for example, “We have been getting a lot of complaints.” How many is a lot? When we move from generalities to specifics, we can provide a much better response. 

3. Have people carry their own message. Again, this helps to reduce and eliminate gossip. It also helps build maturity in the workplace or in the community. Ever hear “I need to share something but I cannot tell you who said it”? You heard this in middle school. In the workplace, unless it is something illegal, it’s best to ask the person not to share what they were going to share but to encourage the anonymous speaker to carry their own message. It helps people mature.

4. Bring a solution. A tip I give to people is that when someone brings them a problem, say “thank you” and then ask what they recommend. This helps people grow beyond being problem-identifiers. It is easy to identify a problem. Real difference-makers bring solutions.

These are four tips that I have found personally very helpful. I hope they are helpful to you as well.

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Quint Studer is the author of 16 books on leadership in the workplace and the community. His book “Building a Vibrant Community” is a valuable resource for civic leaders, business owners, and all citizens who have a stake in building a community they can be proud to call home. He can be reached at Quint@QuintStuder.com.