Don’t instill fear in children

Dear Heloise: I just read the letter about threatening children who are misbehaving with a police arrest and wanted to share my experience as a nurse.

I have heard parents say things like, “You had better behave, or I’m going to tell the nurse to give you a shot.”

This only instills fear and makes it harder for us and more traumatizing for kids when they do need immunizations. — Patricia M., via email

Patricia, I agree with you.

Most children don’t like needles, so threatening to give them a shot does not make a visit to the doctor’s office a pleasant experience. — Heloise

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FUNERAL FLOWERS

Dear Heloise: Flowers at funerals are usually put to good use.

Sometimes family members take them home, or they are given to churches, assisted living facilities, or nursing homes for others to enjoy.

Personally, in lieu of flowers, I would like people to donate to the charity of their choice or that they provide the place where they would like donations to be given.

I have a philodendron from my uncle’s funeral in 2008 and a peace plant from my husband’s funeral in 2022.

It’s a constant reminder of them. — Liz N., via email

Liz, usually the family needs to request that the flowers be given away to a church or hospital. I’ve seen graves where flowers were heaped up on the grave to wilt and die.

But I do like the idea of flowers in good condition being given to a hospital, nursing home or church. — Heloise

THE TREE OF LIFE

Dear Heloise: I read with interest the letter about honoring the people you care about with the beauty of flowers all throughout their lives — not just after they pass away.

When my husband passed away, my local union chapter presented me with a mandarin orange tree and even planted it for me!

The entire leadership of the chapter came and made a party out of it to honor my husband who had stood by me for over 59 years and the entire time I’ve been active in my union. Such a nice gift!

Five years later, this little tree is covered with little mandarin oranges that are so delicious!

I think of my union and my dear husband whenever I see the tree, and I’m filled with such happy thoughts!

A living gift honoring someone can last for a lifetime. — Jeanne F., in Oxnard, California

FLOWERS ARE

FOR THE LIVING

Dear Heloise: Martha D., of Southfield, Michigan, missed the point of flowers at funerals, as did you. Flowers are for the living.

It is hurtful to attend a funeral where there are no flowers.

It shames the living family.

However, her (and your) idea to give to the living for special occasions is also a very good idea. Many people already do this, as do I.

This is not meant to offend Martha.

I suspect she does not nor has ever lived in a rural area where funerals support the bereaved.

They are an important part of the life of the living family. — Pattie S., Huntsville, Arkansas

Pattie, I don’t know why it would “shame” the family since more and more people are requesting donations to charities rather than flowers.

While flowers may look lovely at a funeral, there is a growing number of people who would like to encourage others to put money toward a worthy cause instead. — Heloise